For this little while, I want to invite you to drop into your felt experience and let yourself float in the unknown. Let even the idea of yourself as a person be suspended for now, and look in a felt way into your experience. Let everything be exactly as it is, and touch with your attention the simple quality of sensation. Return again and again simply to feeling, becoming curious and letting awareness play through this sensational field. Let this curiosity express itself in a felt way with the exploration, “What is it like here, in this moment?”
Feel the body come alive wherever awareness lands and in this noticing let the body relax and open. The body can just let itself be here, feel open, and not have to fend anything off—profound receptivity–feeling or imagining the light of the Holy vibrating in every sensation. Let yourself be radiated by that, opening and softening and giving yourself such a deep break from what you call your life. Be here as this simple breath, this vibrating sensation, and this alert awareness.
Return over and over to simple sensation. It doesn’t matter how many times you get drawn away and return. Feel the world, the field, between objects and emptiness that is right inside of sensation as vibration. Keep letting the body open and feel, as though you can listen in a felt way and every cell could open itself like an ear, listening into the silence and vibration inside of sensation. Let your body soften and give itself to this field, as when you float and give your body to water. Let it be given to this moment and to this sensational field, letting your whole body and your whole being breathe in the simple harmlessness that is here. This moment of existence and how it feels.
I offer this returning to sensation and awareness as a ground when the mind gets going in one of those swirling, whirling hamster wheel experiences of stressing yourself out beyond belief to try to solve something unsolvable. For now pitch the whole thing into the ocean and drop into sensation. Even for the tiniest moment turn toward love and say, “You do it. I am unqualified. Here.” And let the body, where the freak started that turned into a hamster wheel, taste and directly experience that no matter what the unresolved questions, no matter what the agony, it is in this moment like this, and bearable. Call on love over and over and over, like an inner getting down on your knees, opening your hands, dropping all attempts to master anything or get anywhere different. Feel into the simple actuality of what’s here right in the moment.
Let the boundary of this that you call your body dissolve. With your eyes closed feel the field of vibrating energy that you are. Let yourself open to this unborn, new, not-known potentiality. Let your cells be impregnated by it. Feeling this river of silence that calls you down into itself, leaving everything else to just fall inward.
I want to invite you to open to, and to consider, what if nothing is wrong? What if nothing is wrong with you, and nothing is wrong with how things are? What if you’re not screwing up? What if things are just like this, and it’s not wrong? Maybe uncomfortable, maybe painful, maybe confusing, but okay. Let your whole body open to things as they are right here, tossing aside everything undone or un-figured-out to drop into this felt fullness of your existence. Say “time out” and drop into eternity. And rest.
Despite all evidence to the contrary that the mind might supply, simply submit and let yourself be intravenously fed by vibrating love. Let it pump through your arteries and veins. Let it pour through all your cells as vibrating aliveness. Let yourself lean into these words, this field of vibrating energy, into the Holy. With every burden that you’re carrying and every place that you feel like you’re all alone — let that place open and lean, like you are physically giving the Holy your weight. Say, “I give up” and let yourself ride for a moment. Let yourself be rocked by love.